..a little bit of me..|
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|Tuesday, October 5th, 2004|
|Sunday, October 3rd, 2004|
jayne slept over last nite..we had some fun..caused a little mischeif.. lol
i had to drive my moms buick back to school last night..-my car has to go into the shop-..so i was listening to the radio..for some reason i was thinking about sean..idk why..well, i usher's my boo came on..whatever..so i like the song but wasnt feelin it..so i switched to pst..-a station that doesnt come in up here-..i swear was playing clear as day..that was a song that was pretty special -to me at least- in the relationship..and it was right at the part when they say something about 'when just the two of us are left, you wont have to ask if i still care'..idk it was weird..so i listened, thinking nothing of the coincidence..until after the song they said it was a dedication from jenn
to her long distance boyfriend sean
..idk..i got hardcore chills and my eyes welled up..idk it was jus way too weird..a sign maybe? who knows..whatever. weird.
was supposed to work 8-4 today -yes, even though we're closed sundays, we had a floorset today-..i didnt get out until FIVE THIRTY. and that was only bc ang n i decided that we had had enough and it was time to leave. idk what time the others left. im exhausted though, and i still have a shitload of work to do..im going to shower and then gonna study with ang..fun fun! much luv Current Mood: exhausted
|Saturday, October 2nd, 2004|
p/s i forgot to add this..this was my horoscope for today (friday)..very interesting how they've been very much on lately..
An unexpected invitation from a friend, dear Sagittarius, could have you jumping in the car today and taking a short trip, perhaps to meet or visit that person. Conversations with this person and with other friends and acquaintances should prove interesting and enlightening - and a part of you may be changed forever for the better. New interests may come your way, perhaps humanitarian in nature. A busy but satisfying day.
|and THIS is living..
i just want to start off by saying i have the best friends in the world. between last night and my friends putting up with my bs -again im sorry guys, i dont think i can apologize enuf..though oddly i feel closer to you guys lol-..
then, i also want to say that jayne tom and rachel ROCK MY FUCKIN SOCKS! they drove all the way from sayreville to my school to sign my car
at like, 10..which means they got to ramapo at like 11..fuckin awesome people. i had signs all over my car and i felt so special..it was the first time i had ever been signed =D
so how it went down..i was chillen in josie's room with all my peeps, drinking..which i was pretty smashed already..within an hour i had 2 socos with coke and a few massive mouthfuls of jack..so almost everyone went outside to have a cig, but i jus chilled..i wanted to finish my drink anyway..so i get a text from an anonymous number saying 'YOU GOT SIGNED!' and i flipped. i started screaming, 'omg i just got signed!' lol it was priceless and to be honest with you, i wish i had a camera..lol so i called jayne and she was with tom and rachel..so they met me in the village, i ran to them and jumped into toms arms and gave huge hugs all around..the excitement of it all was great..so then i hopped in on jayne's lap and they drove me back to maple..so i was saying they should stay the night, but a rachel n tom couldnt..so instead, they kidnapped me..lol they room raided me..i was able to grab a few things and then out the door i went! lol jayne drove my car because i was enebriated at the time..we stopped at dunkin donuts fer sum food n coffee and we were all on our way..when we got back, i was given another present -a bigass cone lol- and then we were off to get jaynes car from toms..which on the way, we stole some more signs..my room is gonna be outta control with them..lol after we came back to my house and said goodnight..
jayne and i have plans to do lunch tomorrow and then go dress shopping for her wedding..im genuinely excited! =) im just having saturday be a me
day because i havent really had one of those in a looong time...anyway, time for bed..thanks again to all of my wonderful friends.. <3
p/s interesting tidbit that it seems that i was not the individual 'in heat' as someone had put it..oh and i wish that before they would talk shit to people, that they would remember, that 99% of it comes back to me. Current Mood: crazy
|Friday, October 1st, 2004|
last night -this morning?- i also failed to mention that my roommates were awesome with my drunkenness..lol they tolerated my shit..it was nice to know that the boys also felt the way they did..
..i have great friends..
..weird how my horoscope kind of applied..'letting my close friends know whats rustling around in my mind'.. Current Mood: and tired
oh yea and p/s josh scared me tonight with that freaky mask...
oh yea and maybe some day i'll be happy.. =\
i swear im done with lj for tonight
so..drank tonight with momma nug, mel, miche, josh, and christian..good times..i got a bit dramatic..as usual when i drink and whatever went down..i started to feel a little better..but idk. i just wish i had someone. i want someone to spoon with..someone sane..and i know im asking for a lot..i want someone i can be myself with..someone i feel pretty with..someone in college..someone that can make me laugh..someone that wants to make something of their life..someoen cute..that likes the same music and movies i do..with a bit more variety even..that i can bring things to the relationship as well as them bringing things..someone that i can cuddle with and read..someone that enjoys going for car rides..someone that enjoys going to get lost for a little bit..someone who likes my family and friends..somoen that introduces me to their family and friends..
ugh..im asking of so much..it hurt so much to hear that someone i care about was hurting so hard tonight..i was calling him to tell him a bit about wat was going on in my life, but he ended up telling me what was going down in shis..
after a noise complaint, we chilled a bit more and when i realized how shit was going, i went outside for a bit..i went for a sprint, but ran into a skunk so had to slow down..i was quoted in miche's article..yes! lol
i walked back to linden with mel, josh, and christian..after they went in, i sat outside for a bit..just takin everything in..we're partying tomorrow..so hopefully it will be a better night..maybe i'll find someone that fits the description above thats single....you never know..you know what they say..when you're least looking, you're going to find the most.. Current Mood: and slightly depressed
i hate myself. i promised myself o'd never be like this. i swore. with all the shite i went though..i promised id never be like htis..i wish things were so easy..the way they're said to be..like saying i love you to the man of my dreams...shit if i hadnt wrote that years ago i wouldnt believe it..what the fuck is wrong with me?
i hate everything about me. Current Mood: drunk
|Thursday, September 30th, 2004|
You feel pretty good about what you are doing in spite of the angst that can surface as you spend time with others. Even if you are uncomfortable with being emotionally vulnerable, don't suppress your feelings. Your friends may not realize how much is going on within the confines of your mind. They cannot see your internal process. Open up so others can provide support for you during this time of growth. Current Mood: flirty
|Tuesday, September 28th, 2004|
there has to be something more
to this life than what's been seen
|Sunday, September 26th, 2004|
idk what the deal is with me. everything has been aggervating me lately. when im with a few selected people that im myself..idk. jayne and i went for a car ride last night and it was nice to get things out..i told her a few things that i've been trying to kid myself about pertaining to sean, rick, school..quite a few things. it was the most honest i've felt with anyone in awhile and it was nice to get a few things off my chest. i went out to lunch with tom and found out a piece of information 'that would have been useful YESTERDAY'..lol idk i jus found out there should have been a little more trust in this previous relationship that i was in than there was..but hey, what are you going to do when no one tells you what's up? idk it was nice to know that things werent how i thought they were..but anyway..i chilled at home the rest of the day, did work on and off..then i packed up and came back to school. i saw 2 accidents..one on 17 was really bad..there was a car that was turned around in the left lane and then like a 1/4 mile down the road, there was the other car..i dont know how that shit happened..there was 4 cop cars, an ambulance and then a fire truck and the fire marshall came..i got nervous when i saw the fire truck..i dont really see what their purpose would be..idk..so i got back here..and i decided i didnt want to go back to the room yet, so i changed in my car and hit up the bradley center -the new gym/rec center-..its really nice..all of the cardio equipment has a tv on them..i did a half hour on one of them and didnt even realize it..pretty cool..so now im gonna read a little bit, watch aqua teen eventually, and go to bed..after my 805 tomorrow i think i might cruise on over to borders and hang out for a bit..i have work at 11 anyway..idk whatever..then i have to jet back here and do my stats work..fun fun..oh well..peace out..
..the room smells like alcohol..malibu maybe? mm Current Mood: discontent
|Saturday, September 25th, 2004|
busy busy busy..lots of homework to do, very little time to do it..got called into work early..which was wheni was going to do my homework..probably going home fer the night..i miss my fam and my dammit! either way, workin 12-830 and then peacing..this check is gonna be great though! 2 papers to write and studying fer a test is to be done, but other than that..its jus stupid work..-reading, etc- speaking of reading, i went and hung out at borders yesterday -i know, im hardcore dork- but i wasnt going to buy anything..i was actually going to read my own book for class...but i ended up picking up 'the perks of being a wallflower' by stephen chboski..very good i must say..i couldnt put it down..so about 45 minutes and 30 pages later, i decided to get it..lol cat was sayin i should read it and return it if i keep it in good shape..but idk..it might be good enough to keep..reminds me a lot of flowers for algernon for some reason..maybe because the kid's name is charlie..and he sounds kinda slow..idk..whatever..gotta run and pack and shower and then children's place, here i come! Current Mood: rushed
|Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004|
hahah what a douche..oh man..anyway..
last night was interesting. i was supposed to go to a zbt party, but i decided not to bc i didnt get outta work til 930 and i had class at 1040..so whatever..mark was up here so he cat and i decided to go fer a drive..i was sayin how we should pick sobin up at seton hall and chill with him, but he was being a *jerk* and didnt wanna come out..lol whatever..we drove on 202 forever..and actually ended up getting lost in paterson somewhere..SO SCARY! it was good times though..came back here and crashed..i was so tired..left class during the break today..the class is pointless..now i have work at 230..yay! then im back here to do more work..oh well. wadda ya gonna do? staying up here this weekend..work..yay..
hahahah dolan and i are gonna rent a hotel room since im finally detached..lol yes!
|Monday, September 20th, 2004|
today was very busy. it wasnt bad though. i kind of enjoyed it. i love always having something to do when every waking moment i need to be doing something. class from 805 - 945..then went to catch me some breakfast then off to get some kicks and then had to be at work at 1030. worked til 5. went back to the room, study for stats real quick..grabbed a gross ass bagel..went to class..got outta there at 745, went for coffee..then went back for cat, went to a&p..then came back here, studied a little bit and then took a shower..lol it doesnt sound like a lot, but ive been a busy little bee.. =) anyway, im talkin to dolan now..lol he's gonna come up and see me..-wink wink- lol..and sean..i wanna be reading right now, but im havin sum fun chattin it up...ohh ohh! i also spotted a hottie in the elevator..hopefully i'll see him around!! =) zbt party tomorrow night prolly..hopefully will prove to be a good time..anyway, im out..much luv! Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, September 19th, 2004|
i got a good portion of my work done today..i read for my western civ class..and i conquored the first chapter in my history in trends of nursing class..got through most of my prelab for anatomy..and breezed through stats..i have a quiz in that class tomorrow at 630, but i get out of work at 5, so i should have time to study harder then. i hope. i would study more, but i have to go to bed because i cannot
sleep through this class again..i didnt get to read my book, but hey, there's always tomorrow..or tuesday. i hope lab doesnt run over on tuesday. i have work at 6. last week we didnt get out until 545..even though class ends at 520. i hardly got any sleep last night -of course, the night i can sleep til all hours of the afternoon- but its okay. i hate sleeping so much anyway. i think im gonna go sneaker shopping between my class and going to work. my kicks are so beat its not even funny. well i think it's time to try and go to bed -that coffee still has me kinda wired-guys i promise, im trying my hardest not to make a hasty decision..im trying to take all of your advice.. Current Mood: accomplished
hahahah funny night last night. random ppl and my first visit to the overlook..lol i remember ending up in andys bed for a little bit..and then i decided i needed to go back to my dorm..im kinda tired today, but eh whatever shit happens..deposited my paycheck from the childrens place..wasnt bad for like, 15 hours. studied hardcore all day and i still have a ton to do..well, i just have to get through stats and my anatomy prelab tonight and then i'll be able to relax..i got this book from borders today called breathe..it looks kinda interesting and its short so im hoping to breeze through that tonight..oh well, im going to get some coffee now and prolly a bagel and then come back and throw my nose deep into my homework.. Current Mood: amused
wow., i am so fucjked up right now it s great. i think its the fris toime ifve been like this since icve gotten here. i love it. i forfopt how mcuch fun drinking is. im sittin here chillen with anbela nad shay amsfd liljew. and im havin a gfuckin great time. terrance -like terrance adn philip- and albert -hje went to my gfucking high shcholl my freshman year- wrer here before. but they left..loserts! lololol - yea i havent seen albert since god knwos when. ;p; [prollky since the enmd of fresj,an uear. hahaha. i call3d sean and tom called me and i called slyck ricke. he emaoiled ,me/ oity 2was nioce to hear thjat the doesnt hate me. you knwo>? i felt like such a biutch yesterday, but i dont want him to think i hate him/
|Friday, September 17th, 2004|
so i love it when people dont have the fucking balls to talk to people face to face about their problems and shit has to be done over the phone. but oh well, their loss.
i am so incredibly confused. some hardcore shit is going down and i dont know exactly what he root of it all is. rick is being hardcore cold..i think he's mad because i call him and bother him too much. im not quite sure. im upset because he switched his schedule tomorrow from 230pm to 9am..which means hes not coming up. so he can go to a party. which im not invited to. which also makes me uneasy. i dont know. it just feels like im way down low on his priority list. there's a whole bunch more shit going down, but thats the major jist of it all. so im going to let him do "whatever the fuck he wants" but i just hope he can handle it when the consequences come down. and im not trying to be mean at all, i just dont think im being treated the way i should be. maybe i just "wont waste any more of his time"..i love him, but i dont know how much more of this i can take. Current Mood: confused
UGHHH!!! I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!! Current Mood: frustrated